Crisis 2001 Tour

3b. California

Crisis 2001 Tour

The thinking man's alternative to a small red sportscar

Crisis 2001 Tour

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The badlands of San Francisco.

14-28 April

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Dispatch from California: The doctor advised me that my recovery from typhoid requires that I either laze about or do stuff I enjoy, so I throw myself into this with selfless abandon.
However, an attempt on Yosemite fails - the roads are closed and there's a snowstorm warning out. Instead we head for the delightful Muir Woods just over the thrustily yielding Golden Gate Bridge. Muir Woods (named after the visionary John Muir to whom the citizens of the world and other individuals owe a great debt - thanks John) continues the thrusting theme with its stately redwoods reaching over 200ft. The stroll we take here is nothing compared to the great achievements of Kilimanjaro and Borneo Traverse 2001, but I yield my macho tendencies to my increasingly feminine side and enjoy the views.
Attempt to research my method acting course by watching the amazing Mean Streets, Scorsese and De Niro's first collaboration. My history of cinema's sketchy, but this looks as if it might have been a bit novel at the time. De Niro is a gas as Johnny Boy, and I later try to imitate his walk which is even more shambolic than my Mr Bean efforts in Bali. His eyes flash childish playfulness one moment and curious malevolence the next, all in that fidgety style that makes him so compelling to watch. Bobby, you're my hero and if I were a mad woman I would stalk you 24/7.
Excitement as Petee tells me in the Ethiopian blues restaurant that I can become a reverend for $10 or less. Various churches in this state of maximum tolerance have set up websites offering online ordination - just enter "online ordination California" in google and take your pick! I do some research but will wait for my next stay here before taking the plunge. This will give me time to come to terms with my forthcoming status and to arrange a suitable ceremony. [Postscript - click here for an account of the online ordination, which took place in May 2001]	Computer-generated image of how Rev Ian Hadden might appear :
Nip down the coast to Big Sur to spend the night in a lodge just off Highway 1. The lodge consists of a series of individual log cabins nestling beside a stream which bubbles through a forest of redwoods. This sounds pretty good, and it is. The coast is spectacular, but not more so than the north Antrim Coast of Northern Ireland, with its dramatic spurs and crashing waves spurting that mix of power and beauty that Miss France must love. We walk the 17th and 18th at Pebble Beach ($350 a round, 6-8 months' waiting list) and watch the sun set off the Monterey peninsula. If the sea were alive, what would it make of us? Which is CA and which is NI?
As research for my forthcoming ordination, we make a trip to the Glide church in downtown San Fancisco to witness Emiliano's baptism. This is truly an experience. The queue for the performance (sorry - "service") stretches around the block when we arrive half an hour early. We just make it in, to be ushered brusquely to sit on the stairs since all the seats are taken. The band (trumpet, sax, bass, drums etc.) strikes up and the Glide Ensemble of gospel singers tomjones it onto the stage. I'm a man from Northern Ireland and as such don't dance, but here am forced by my peers to stand in the aisle and sway and clap in praise of the Lord. Plenty of wide smiles in the ensemble - some to the point of apparent ecstasy, or despair depending on your interpretation. Various solo artistes step forward and they are good. Meanwhile, audience participation becomes increasingly enthusiastic, hands pumping the air and plenty of whooping and hollering, just like progress meetings in a typical eprocurement implementation project which is meeting its challenging yet realistic milestones. We leave, smiling at our experience and reflecting on the contrasting uncertainty to which our lack of faith condemns us.